~Tips for Writing to Inmates~

Please remember that writing to an inmate is a commitment. These men and women are so very lonely. Most have lost all contact with family and friends. It is difficult to form a solid friendship behind bars, just as it is difficult for them to trust again. Many want to start a relationship, many just want a friend. Someone who will listen and let them feel special and needed. They have precious little in prison. A friend is so special to them, they treasure this friendship and become incredibly protective of mail, pictures and anything associated with their friend. Receiving a letter helps them escape where they are if only for a while.

If this is your first time writing to an inmate, you may be apprehensive about what lies ahead. You will meet all kinds of people, just as we do on the outside, some you will find you like right away and others you may not wish to write to again. Don't give up if you do not "click" with someone right away, you can always try writing to someone else.


You might want to use a Post Office box until you feel more comfortable sharing your home address. You may also choose not to give out your phone number until you have been corresponding for a while. The cost of a phone call will be yours, inmates may only call collect.


Honesty is important. Inmates do not trust very easily, you may find it takes a while for some to open up. Others are so anxious to talk to someone again that their thoughts are everywhere, their excitement is just too much to handle. If you don't want to divulge too much about yourself, that is your option but please remember to be honest about everything. They may want to know why you are choosing to write to an inmate. They find it hard to believe they have found a friend in someone they have never met when often their own families no longer are a part of their lives. They may want to know if you are available for a relationship.


Many consider their crime to be personal. They may not want to share this information in a first letter. If they invite you to ask questions, by all means ask. If you wish to verify the crime of a pen pal, you can check on the State Doc Sites.


Inmates are so happy with the smallest of gestures. Their lives have been so bare of all the beautiful things in life that it is thrilling for them to hear things you might consider mundane. They love to receive pictures (some prisons have restrictions on the size and number that may be sent in at one time). They also love to hear about your day, even if it is just a trip to the grocery store.


Remember to send birthday cards, thinking of you cards and cards to celebrate the holidays. Many times, you'll find a prisoner has not received a card for any occasion for many years.

People writing to inmates do so for many different reasons. It is easiest when writing your first letter to let your pen pal know what the boundaries are so there are no misunderstandings later. If you are offering friendship only, and are happily married then try to select a prisoner who is looking for a friend only. If you are available for a relationship, then let them know. If you do not wish to be asked for money or your phone number, just let them know. Most will abide by your needs providing you are clear from the beginning.

Writing to an inmate can be a wonderful feeling. Very strong friendships are made through letters and you'll find you are just as excited as they are to receive mail. This is fun, rewarding and easy to do. So please pick up a pen and make a prisoner smile today! You'll be happy you did.

Try to use fun, colorful stationery. They don't see much that is beautiful inside and love to receive pretty cards and stationery. White out, perfume, tape, glue, and stickers are not allowed (on either envelopes or letters) in many prisons. Find out the rules before using any to ensure your letter will be delivered.


It's important not to write to more than one person in each prison unless you have asked. They don't have much to call their own and so become very protective and jealous of their few friends.